


If I should die tonight, may I first just say I'm sorry

by fmms



Series: And in the end, I will seek you out amongst the stars [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Established Relationship, F/M, Fanart, Fluff and Angst, Order 66, Post-Order 66, Reunited and It Feels So Good, bc i did it lol, me writing this: I have no fucking clue how to write romance but i tried my best and thats that, no beta we die like Jedi, now with, ofc the first thing I write for my new ocs is some order 66 angst, or really just, theres probably waaay to many commas in here but idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmms/pseuds/fmms
Summary: One minute she was laughing- and then.Then Sol's comlink had chimed.Then Sol had answered it.ThenExecute Order 66Then CC-5807 had put the comlink down.
Relationships: CC-5807 | Sol/Nova Ilene, Original Clone Trooper Character(s)/Original Jedi Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: And in the end, I will seek you out amongst the stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742527
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. With everything falling down around me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from C'mon by Fun & p!atd 
> 
> Mando'a translations:
> 
> vod'e - Brothers, Sisters, Siblings 
> 
> cyare - Beloved (aka my personal weakness)

When he wakes up, really wakes up, from the horrors he's committed, from his worst nightmare come to life, he doesn't know how long its been. The memories are fuzzy in some places and crystal clear in others. It could have been days, months, years, and it all felt the same. 

CC-5807 was loyal to the Empire, CC-5807 had spent however much time, day after day, fighting for the Empire. CC-5807 went into that battle, CC-5807 had killed those rebels, CC-5807 had been knocked unconscious with a blow to the head. 

And then Sol had woken up, Sol had woken up and now he had to face the consequences. He had been forced to remember. Remember all the things that CC-5807 didn't care about. Remember all the things had he had/hadn't done. Remember battle after battle, order and order, and- 

_ Good soldiers follow orders.  _

CC-5807 had shot his Jedi the Traitor. He had killed her. Like a good soldier.

Sol now has to remember. 

__________________________

One minute she was laughing, he had been telling her a story about something, something stupid, but the point was it got her to laugh. They were alone in her quarters on board the Eclipse. She had only the most basic layer of her Jedi tunics and he had taken off the armor. Her hair was down, falling in blue waves down her back. Sol had always liked her hair, he liked how soft it was when he ran his fingers through it. He liked how the color glittered in the sunlight when they were planetside. But most of all he liked what it represented. Having her hair down when she usually had up in a braid curled around in a bun meant she was relaxed, that she trusted to let her guard down around him. Sol supposed him taking the armor off had the same effect.

Sol distinctly remembered the first time he'd seen her with her hair down. It was after another battle, they had set up camp. Her braid had fallen down from its bun, if you still could call it a braid with half of her hair sticking out. She'd taken the rest of her hair out of the ruined braid and let it fall over her shoulders. He also distinctly remembers staring like a fool and hearing Celeste snickering when they noticed. That had brought Sol out of his stupor.

Oh how he longed for those days, and longing for the days of war must say something about his current situation. But, at least then, he'd had his  _ vod'e _ , he'd had his General. 

(Not his, not after that he'd done) 

The day previous to the nightmare had been stressful, as any day fighting in a war wasn't, but hope had been blooming among the troops. Word was Dooku was dead, word was the war could be over soon. 

That's how the conversation before the end had started.

"Remember how you asked me what I would do after the war?" He had asked. 

"I remember." She had said. 

"I think I have an answer now." 

Before he didn't. Before, he could never let himself dream about a future without the war. 

"Would you tell me?" She had asked. She had always asked, outside of the battlefield, she had never ordered, always asked. 

"I don't care what I'll do, I don't care where I'll be." He had said. Meaning every word. 

"Sol-" Her voice was quiet, soft. 

"I only want to be by your side doing it." 

He remembered her voice going impossibly softer.

"Sol." He had always like how she said his name, the name he had chosen for himself. She always said it like it was something to be treasured. 

_ ("General Ilene, Commander CC-5807 reporting for duty sir."  _

_ "I don't want to impose Commander, but word is you have names, not just designations." _

_ "Yes sir, some of us do." _

_ "Would you tell me your name?" _

_ "Sol, sir."  _

_ "Hello Sol, it's very nice to meet you.") _

He remembered she had put her hand on his cheek, he remembered leaning into it. 

"I think I would like it very much. As long as I get to be by your side too." 

Sol had then put their foreheads together, she had out her other had up too, cupping his cheeks. 

"Nova-" 

Her name. Her name was something to be treasured. He cherished every second she allowed him to call her that.

_ ("General Ilene." _

_ "Call me Nova." _

_ "I'm sorry sir?"  _

_ "And please, drop the sir when we're off duty. I don't want to be your commanding officer when we're off duty. I want to be your friend. And friends call each other by their names no?"  _

_ "I suppose so, Nova.") _

The smile she gave him then, the first time, when he'd said her name was the same as when he had said it the last time before he nightmare. Her smile was so beautiful. 

She was so beautiful. 

And he nearly said it then, those three words. Those important three words that would encapsulate everything he felt for her. 

But he didn’t. Oh, what a fool he was. 

Instead, he shifted his head to the side and slowly put his lips to hers. She pulled him closer, he put his arms around her. Kissing her always felt good. He always treasured it, made it count. Because he knew, one day, any day, something could happen and either of them wouldn't be going home. 

He just always thought it'd be him. 

He remembers her pulling back. He remembers looking in her eyes, he remembers seeing tears forming. 

"What's wrong?" He'd asked her. What could he do it make it better? 

"Is it strange to have both sad and happy tears at the same time?" She had said. And continued before he could answer.

"Because I'm happy, so so happy, so be alive here with you. To the possibility of a future with you. But to what end? How many have died for this? How many more?" 

He didn't know what to say to that. Didn't know how to give her the answer she sought.

"Hey now." He had said instead. Brushing tears of her cheeks.

"Tonight is not to be sad, _ cyare _ . Tonight is just us, being together. Happy." 

He needed a way to distract her, so make her smile again. So he told her the story, the story he couldn't for the life for him remember now. But it got her to laugh.

Then Sol's comlink had chimed. 

Then Sol had answered it, thinking it must be important.

Then.

_ Execute Order 66 _

CC-5807 had put the comlink down. 

The  Jedi General Nova Traitor was staring at him. 

CC-5807 had looked around the room, he had seen his armor and blaster on the floor. He had lunged for it, but the Traitor was faster then he was. By the time he had his blaster and shot at her, the Traitor already had her lightsabers drawn and blocked the blast, and the next and the next. 

"Sol!?, what are you doing!?" The Traitor had asked, demanded.

"Good soldiers follow orders." 

Sol wished he didn't remember in such clarity what he had done. He wished he didn't remember the clear heartbreak, the betrayal, on her face as CC-5807 tried to kill her. 

The memories after the first minute or so after the nightmare started was a bit fuzzier. He remembered being force pushed out of the room. He remembers being locked out. He remembers trying and failing to get in again. He remembers more of his  _ vod'e _ , coming to his location. All of them after the Traitor. He remembers the door opening, something being thrown out. Then the hallway was filled with smoke. A figure had jumped out from the open doorway. The figure, the Traitor, didn’t seem to have a problem navigating without sight as she rushed past CC-5807 and the other soldiers. She ran down the hallway disappearing again the smoke. 

“After her!” CC-5807 had ordered and ran. They followed her as she ran through the ship, blocking blasts after blasts. In the end, she managed to get to an escape pod alive, bruised but alive. The part inside CC-5807 that was still Sol was rejoicing. 

That didn’t last long. 

“Get to the bridge, I want that pod shot down!” 

__________________________

Now all Sol could do was remember as he had stood on the bridge of the Eclipse watching that escape pod getting shot down and crashing to the surface of the planet they had just left, and felt nothing but pride of a job well done. 

Now, all Sol could do was to lie there he’d been blasted. Lie and remember. Mourn. Mourn his _ vod’e _ and mourn his General. 

The battle around him was dying down. He didn’t know how long he'd been lying there. All he could feel was the hard ground underneath him, the throbbing of his head, and the heavy weight of his chest when he took a breath. 

Then.

Voices. 

“Hey, I think someone’s alive!” 

In the back of his mind, Sol knew that voice. Someone came closer, he turned his head towards the stranger, friend or foe he didn’t know. Maybe they’d put him out of his misery. The stranger bent down and after a few seconds of hesitation took off Sol’s helmet. Now he could feel the wind on his face and he took a deep breath of fresh air. His ribs protested. 

Now he was staring at a face he knew like the back of his own hand, his own. Sol smiled. A brother. He hadn’t seen another clone in, it felt like forever. 

“Sol?” A hesitant voice.

Someone that knew him even. Sol strained his eyes to properly see which brother that was now kneeling beside him. 

“Hey! We need a medic over there!”

“Oak?” Now Sol could see his brother clearly he definitely recognized who it was, Oak. Oak with his distinctive scar that ran from his cheek down to his throat. 

“Hey Commander, long time no see.”

“What are you doing here?” Was what he wanted to ask, but his words came out a bit slurred. 

“Rescuing you apparently.” 

That’s when the medic ran up, and that’s also when Sol lost consciousness. 

__________________________

When Sol woke up again, he was laying somewhere way more comfortable than the hard ground in a forest somewhere. At first, he didn’t move, didn’t let himself completely relax. Not until the door to what he assumed was the medbay opened and Oak walked in. In the bright white room, Sol could finally get a good look at him. He looked older, not a lot, but there were definitely lines on his forehead that hadn’t been there before. His scar was still his most profound feature and Sol took comfort in that fact that he still looked like the Oak he had known. 

“Hey.” 

“Oak.” His own voice cracked out. Ok, so it hurt to talk, good to know. 

He tried to sit up, which worked slightly better only because Oak helped.

Then suddenly Oak was holding a glass.

“Water.” Oak handed it to him.

Sol chugged it down.

“Better?” Oak looked tired, but he was still smiling. Something that Sol had always appreciated about Oak was his ability to smile, even though the situation gave them no reason to. 

“Yes, thank you.” Speaking worked better that time. 

“How are you feeling?” Smiling, but this was the softest, was the only word that came to mind, Sol had ever seen his brother. He was usually a ball of energy, talking a mile a minute. 

“Like a bantha had a dance party on my body.” 

Oak barked out a laugh. 

“Ha! Broken ribs, broken collarbone, and a concussion would do that to you.”

“What happened?” 

To me, to you, to  _ us.  _

“Well, you got knocked out by a blast-”

Sol interrupted him.

“No, not now, before, on the Eclipse , when we-” Sol trailed off, he couldn’t even say it.

Oak seemed to understand what he meant anyway. Maybe the misery he felt anytime he every time he thought about her showed on his face too. 

“How many years has it even been?” Sol had to know.

“About three years, give or take.” 

“Three years.” Sol felt his shoulders slump. 

Three years in service to the empire, voluntary or not. 

“It wasn’t our fault, what we did, we had no choice. They found chips in our brains, that was what made us do the things they ordered. Not us.” 

Oak made a deliberate choice, Sol knew, to look him in the eyes as he talked. 

“We would never-” Oak, it seemed, couldn't say it either. 

“Yours is out, by the way, you’ve been unconscious for about two days, and the medics here took it out.” Oak nodded to the small table beside the cot Sol was inhabiting. There stood the empty glass and beside it a tiny round metal ship. When Sol picked it up and looked closer he could see the cracks that made it malfunction.

Sol knew, that Oak had meant for the information of mind control to make Sol feel better about killing her.

It didn’t. 

“Where are we now?”

“A rebel hideout in the outer rim.”

A pause. Both of them seemed lost in their own thoughts. 

“How long have you been, uh, de-chipped?” Sol eventually broke their silence. 

“A few months, I was stationed with a few other clones and someone’s chip malfunctioned and he brought me and two others with him when he left.”

“What happens to me now?”

“Now you rest and get better, then, well that’s up to you.”

__________________________

When Sol got discharged, Oak was there to show him around and introduce him to very few people that were there. He started with the other three clones on the base. Ken, Wells, and Pigment. Sol never knew how much he was missing just being around _ vod’e _ at all times until he wasn’t anymore. 

After Oak continued his tour of the base, filling up the silence with talking when Sol didn’t. They rounded a corner and at the end of the hallway stood two figures in a conversation. The one’s face Sol could see he didn’t recognize, the person standing with their back to Sol made him catch his breath. The color of their hair was a painfully familiar shade of blue in a braid down their back. Sol took a deep breath to calm himself. Oak didn’t seem to notice his small panic, he smiled when he saw the people talking and walked faster.

“General! You’re back early!” The blue-haired person turned around at Oak’s voice and-

Sol was pretty sure he stopped breathing. 

Because that was impossible. 

The blue hair, the face, the pointed ears. It was all the same. 

But he couldn’t be that lucky, waking up as Sol again, getting rescued from the Empire, meeting brothers again. All of that already felt like an impossible dream. He couldn’t have this too. 

Not-Nova-because-it- _ couldn’t-be _ had also stopped, frozen like him. Her eyes were wide. Sol had never in three years of being by her (not her) side seen her this shocked before. 

Oak seemed to have realized that happened and had stopped in his tracks. 

“Oh shit right. I knew I forgot to mention something.” 

“This is a pretty big something Oak,” Not-Nova-but-she-even- _ sounded-the-same _ said to Oak, but her eyes were still locked on Sol. 

“In my defense, you were supposed to be gone another two days.”

Then Sol felt something very familiar brushing his mind.

Nova had explained the force to him many times over the years. Some of the clones, including him, she’d said, were more force-sensitive than others. Nothing noteworthy, but it made him perceptive to her force signature apparently.

“Because we have a strong bond.” She’d explained. Sol had smiled when she said that.

So, sometimes, when she, or Sol, or both of them needed reassurance the other was still alive, that they were still together, she would brush his the very outskirts of his mind.

Now he felt it again, and he realized he last time he had felt her do that was right after he had stopped being Sol and had been trying to kill her. CC-5807 hadn't even realized what she was doing.

He had tears running down his face, Sol realized. Neither of them moved. And at that moment, anything could have happened but all he could focus on was her. 

“Sol.” His name, still spoken like a treasure.

“Nova.” Her name, which he would forever cherish. 

She took a step, hesitant. Then another, faster. Sol could feel his legs start running before he could even think. Then they came into distance with each other she jumped, and as always, he caught her. 

He couldn’t probably describe the feeling of pure euphoria of seeing her again, holding her in his arms, knowing she was alive. 

He clutched her tightly, arms around her, never planning of letting go again. Nova, and fuck it really was her, didn't seem to mind, as her arms were holding him just as tight, face buried in his shoulder.

"I’m sorry,  _ I’m so sorry. _ I didn’t. You're alive, you're here, you're- _ I didn't kill you. _ " 

Words were spewing out of his mouth before he could stop it, the tears didn’t stop. 

Nova let out a small sob at his words and looked up at him without letting go. She was also crying, he realized, her orange eyes glistening with tears. And without thinking about it Sol pulled one arm free and brushed the tears of her cheeks. Nova leaned into his palm like it was the most natural thing in the world and closed her eyes for a few seconds before looking back up. 

“It’s alright, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t kill me, my love.”

Her voice was calm and reassuring in contrast to his small panic. 

“Am I? Still?” Even if it hadn’t been his fault, it had been so long. 

“Oh Sol, it takes more than an Empire tearing us apart to make me stop loving you.” 

“I-” The words were stuck in his throat. Even after all this time, he still couldn't say it. 

He remembers nearly saying it, before, the coward he was. 

After all this time she deserved to hear it.

“I love you.” The words got out of him before Nova could say anything else. 

She smiled, and then.

“Can I kiss you?” She said softly, near a whisper, the words only meant for them. 

“Yes.”

So she did. 

Sol’s memories, he realized, could never do her justice. Not for her beauty, not for the sound of her voice, not for the feeling of holder her, being held by her. And not of kissing her. 

When they broke apart both of them were breathing heavily. And Sol couldn't help but let out a laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” And she was smiling again. 

“I know the universe sucks at the moment. But, I’m just very to be by your side again.”

“Me too.”

And the things were far from perfect, the things in Sol’s life had never been. So he hugged Nova tight again and thought that, maybe, things would be ok as long as they stuck together. 

And when he fell asleep that night, he wasn't alone. 


	2. I'd like to believe in all the possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she woke up, Nova thinks she must be dead. But the ache in her body told her otherwise. After a few moments, she thinks back and only allows herself to remember running through the Eclipse, blaster shots at her heels. She remembers crashing, then nothing.
> 
> (“After her!”)
> 
> She didn’t allow herself to think about who was chasing her.

When she woke up, Nova thinks she must be dead. But the ache in her body told her otherwise. After a few moments, she thinks back and only allows herself to remember running through the _Eclipse_ , blaster shots at her heels. She remembers crashing, then nothing.

_(“After her!”)_

She didn’t allow herself to think about who was chasing her. 

Instead, Nova focused on herself. The feeling of bandages and bacta patches on her body, the soft bed underneath her, a blanket covering her. She could see cracked walls and a brown ceiling, the only light came from the moonlight through the small opened window, where she could hear the wind. She could see a chair with folded cloth on it the colors of her Jedi robes. She could feel herself only wearing a large shirt and her undergarments. 

The second she focused on the force is the second she regretted it. Before, on the _Eclipse,_ she could feel the force crying out, she could feel the death of her fellow Jedi but had shut herself off the best she could as to not join them. Now, it was so empty _,_ so _quiet_. All her life the force had always been full of life. Like a small buzz in the back of her mind.

Now. There was nothing. 

And that would mean that they were all dead.

Full of desperation Nova had never felt before, she searched the force of her master, but felt nothing. 

The tears had started rolling down her face the second she had opened herself up to the force. 

But feeling the passing of her master.

That’s when she broke down in full on sobbing.

Nova tried to calm down, tried to center herself, tried to remember all the things Master Ven had taught her. 

_There is no death, there is the Force._

But it was no use. Even attempting to release her distress to the force just meant feeling the loneliness all over again. And she just let out another sob. 

Moving hurt, she was sore all over, she couldn’t _breathe_. The tears wouldn’t stop. Nova tried to sit up, to breathe better, but that hurt even more. 

So she was stuck, laying in a stranger’s bed, in a stranger’s house. 

She was hurt, her men had shot her down, everyone was dead, she should be dead. 

But she wasn’t. 

Nova didn’t how long she was crying, but eventually, the tears stopped. 

The pain didn’t.

And she fell asleep. 

__________________________

It was light outside when Nova opened her eyes again. The first thing she registered was laughter coming from outside, then, footsteps somewhere else in the house. 

She felt exhausted, she wanted to just curl up in a ball and never have to face the world again. 

But then a memory of her master popped into her mind.

_“You can’t lie in bed all day, Padawan mine, think of all the things you’d miss out on.”_

As a youngling Nova had not appreciated mornings. But, her apprenticeship with Master Ven had changed that. Her master had been the epitome of a morning person. She’d always woken Nova up at the crack of dawn for morning meditation and to see the sunrise.

_“I always feel rejuvenated watching the sunrise. It means there’s a new day ahead, we can not change what has already happened, a new day means new things to focus on as we leave the past to yesterday.”_

A new day.

She took a deep breath. 

In.

Out.

Time to find out where she was.

Conveniently, that’s when the door opened. 

“Oh! You’re awake!” It was a dark-haired human man about Nova’s age. 

Before Nova could do anything he leaned his body out of the door. 

“MOM! SHE’S AWAKE!” 

Nova couldn’t hear an answer, but the man walked into the room after his shout, letting the door close on his way.

“Hi, my mom is a way better medic than me so, she’ll be up soon.”

Nova tensed automatically as he walked closer, he didn’t seem hostile but if war had taught Nova anything, it was better safe than sorry. 

“I’m Daro.” Nova didn’t answer him.

A tense minute passed before the door opened once more. An older woman, presumably Daro’s mother walked in, she was holding a medkit. 

Nova tried to get up on her forearms at least, so she wasn’t completely lying down, but her left side protested. 

“Don’t try to sit up, the burn on your side isn’t healed yet.” The older woman put the medkit down at the end of the bed. 

“I know you’re feeling like shit right now, honestly it’s a wonder you even survived that crash, but is there anything feeling especially like shit?”

Nova turned her focus quickly on herself again. Mostly her body was sore, her left shoulder, midsection, and a portion of her upper right leg stood out as particularly painful. 

She also needed water.

“Thirsty,” Nova answered her. 

“Daro, get the girl some water.” She didn’t turn around as her son disappeared out of the room, too busy pulling supplies out of the medkit. 

“Anything else?” She looked up at Nova.

“My left shoulder, left side of my waist, the upper part of my right leg.”

Nova had learned long ago not to argue with medics. 

“Thought so, that’s where the damage was most severe. Your leg was impaled by something from your shuttle, your shoulder and waist were burned, and will leave scarring if you don’t get better help. I did all I could with what we have.”

“Thank you.” Nova had told her as she looked over her injures and changed bandages and bacta patches as needed and then again when Daro came back with the water. 

“We couldn’t just leave you to die, doesn’t matter what they’re saying about you. A Jedi saved our village just a few days ago, we’re just paying back out debt.”

That was her, Nova remembers that last mission, it was a planet in the mid-rim, the 408th were freeing the surrounding villages from separatists hold. They had wanted to control the mining industry that provided for most people in the area. 

Then she digested what he’d said and Nova wanted to ask what who was saying about the Jedi. But first. 

“How long have I been here?”

“We found you 3 days ago.”

And she already knew where she was. 

“What are people saying about the Jedi?”

Daro and his mother looked at each other, when they turned back to Nova neither of them met her eyes.

Daro opened his mouth but his mother interrupted him.

“Right now you need to rest, and this information can wait until you’re better.”

“She should know mom.”

“And she will, later. All you need to know is people are looking for Jedi. And that you’ll be safe with us.”

This time she did meet Nova’s eyes. And she could feel that truth ringing in the force. 

“I’m Nova.”

“Lina Telec. Now sleep.”

And even though Nova wanted to know more, her body’s exhaustion overruled her. And she fell asleep, this time knowing she’d be safe enough. 

__________________________

It was two days later Nova was able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. During that time Lina and Daro were the only ones that came to visit, Lina to check up on her recovery and Daro to just talk to her. And it was mostly Daro doing the talking, he could go on and on for ages if she let him. But Nova found that she didn’t mind. It was a good distraction. 

It was one of these times when Nova couldn’t take it anymore.

She had already felt hundreds of Jedi passing on into the force. She still had trouble opening herself up to it. What she had to know is how. Why.

“What happened to the Jedi, Daro?”

He hesitated.

“I already know they’re dead, I need to know why.”

“Uh, well, the day you crashed here, so 5 days ago, the Republic senate, kinda, uh.”

This appeared to be a new side of Daro Nova hadn’t seen yet. The hesitation in his words, the way he was again deliberately not making eye contact and the way he stumbled on his words.

“The Chancellor declared the Jedi traitors of the Republic, well I guess it’s the Empire now.”

Traitors of the Republic. That would explain why So-, the 408th had called her a traitor as they chased her down.

And. 

_("Sol!?, what are you doing!?"_

_“Good soldiers follow orders.”)_

That’s what he had said. He was following orders. 

_(“Execute Order 66”)_

Order 66. Meant for killing the Jedi, Nova assumed. Had he known? Had _all of them_ known? They must have. What other explanation was there?

Was any of it real? The relationships, the friendships, _the love_ , she had formed with them for over 3 years. And all that time they had been waiting for the order to kill her, to kill all of them.

That train of thought was not going to be a pretty road to go down on.

Nova realized that she had been staring into nothing and been quiet for a moment there, blinked, and focused on Daro again. 

“Empire?”

“Apparently. Chancellor Palpatine declared himself Emperor and turned the Republic into an Empire.”

The Chancellor had ordered the Jedi dead. He had used the clones to do it. The Chancellor was now the Emperor. The Jedi were dead or being actively hunted down. 

And Nova was alone.

What was she going to do now?

__________________________

Not a lot it seemed. Mostly sleep. After a few more days being bedridden, Nova managed to stand up without help. the first thing she did was hobble over to the lone chair in the room and check on her Jedi robes. Most of it wasn’t wearable anymore but underneath the damaged pile of cloth lay her lightsabers. Both the hilts had scratches on them, but Nova could sense the kyper crystals in them reacting to her, and Nova tuned them on.

Twin streaks of light emerged and lit up the room in a blue hue. Nova quickly turned them off. 

It was then she rummaged through the pockets of her robes she found her comlink miraculously intact. And it linked. 

_“1 new message, would you like to hear it?”_

“Yes.”

_“Nova-”_

And she nearly burst out in tears when her master’s voice came out. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

 _“-I don’t know what has happened. I don’t even know if you’ll ever get this, I was never good with technology you know.”_ Nova heard a small chuckle and couldn’t help but let out one herself.

_“I don’t have much time left, soon I’ll be passing into the force. I can feel it.”_

A pause

_“If you’re listening to this, I can only hope you’re safe enough to do so, and if you would be so kind to keep it that way to soothe an old woman’s soul. I dearly hoped what happened with my men was a fluke, but I can feel in the force that it is not so. The only thing I can wish now is that your men are a fluke and that you still have your dear commander at your side. If not then. I am so sorry Nova.”_

Another pause and Nova was filled with a lot of mixing emotions at the mention of Sol, as were the usual these days. But Master Ven’s voice brought her out of her thoughts before she could spiral into them. 

_“This is where I would say goodbye, but remember, I will never truly leave you. Because there is no death, there is the Force.”_

Nova’s comlink dinged at the end of the message

_“1 message, would you like to hear it again?”_

“No.” 

She put the comlink down. 

__________________________

Somedays, when Lina refused Nova's helping hand around the house, when Nova had hours to do nothing, she would meditate. She would slowly open herself back to the force while simultaneously keep her shields on lockdown, she was a fugitive now after all. 

Nova would start by focussing on her breathing, in, and out. 

Then she would let her mind drift the situation at hand and her feeling towards it.

The helplessness. 

The sorrow. 

And she would release them into the force. She could no nothing _but_ heal right now, there was no need to focus on puttìng herself down for not being able to do more. She could not change her circumstance, all she could do was get better at the pace it took. 

The sorrow took more work. Nova had lost friends in the war, she had let them go, for they were merely joining back into the force, as she would too, one day. 

Her, attachment, to her former Master took more work. Nova hadn't deleted the message on her comlink. She knew she would need to hear this again in the future. Nova knew she should, refusing to let go was an attachment. 

But she already knew and acknowledged her attachments, to Master Ven and to. 

To Sol.

Nova hadn’t let herself even think about him the past few days, after the initial conversation with Daro.

The varying emotions came back, and Nova knew to push them down and ignoring them wasn’t going to make them go away. So she let them come. 

Betrayal, because how could he after everything they had been through. 

Confusion, because there had been something _wrong_ with his mind. 

Love, because- 

_("I don't care what I'll do, I don't care where I'll be."_

_"Sol-"_

_"I only want to be by your side doing it." )_

Nova didn't know what to think or feel. All the emotions were happening simultaneously. Nova didn't know you feel such differentiating emotions about someone. Both loving and, not hating. Jedi didn't hate.

They didn't love as Nova did either. 

When dinner time came she hadn't made any progress on her feelings on Sol. Even after everything, she could not let her love for him go. 

__________________________

Nova spend two years with the Telecs. After healing up enough for Lina's taste, Nova spend her days helping out around the village. Some days in the Telec clinic, other days helping out the elderly and the young. 

The nights she could, Nova would sneak out to the neighboring forest and keep up with her lightsaber katas. No one except Daro and Lina knew about her status as a Jedi, and for the safety of the village, it would stay that way. 

Nova stayed up to date with the news on the Empire as best she could. She found out the reason the Order had been declared traitors was because of an attempted coup and assassination on Palpatine. 

Eventually, Nova knew it was time to move on, she couldn't stay there anymore. The force was calling her elsewhere. And who was Nova to deny it? 

"Are you sure you can't stay?"

Daro had walked with her to the transport out of planet Nova had managed to secure. She had said her goodbyes to Lina the night before. 

"You know I have to leave Daro." 

Nova had packed what little she owned, her Jedi robes had been thrown away two years ago. All she had from before were her sabers. The rest, her new clothes and a bag, she had either brought with the money she had managed to acquire or given to her. 

"No I don't, you're safe here Nova, safer than you'd be out there." 

He waved his arm up to the sky where the sun was rising. 

"This isn't about safety." 

It was the middle of spring, the morning was windy.

"Then what is it about?" 

"This is about duty, I swore an oath to keep peace and protect the galaxy. The Order may be gone, but I am still a Jedi, and I cannot idly still by whilst the galaxy is suffering." 

Nova could now see the ship that going to take her out of here in the distance. 

Daro didn't say anything until Nova was about to walk the ramp up into the ship. 

"Please stay." He took her hand. 

She pulled away.

"This is something I must do." 

"Will I ever see you again?" 

"If the Force wills it." 

And the ramp closed. 

Nova looked down on the planet as they lifted of. There were two other passengers with her. The trip to the nearest planet with much bigger cities was four hours away, and Nova sat down on the cold floor with crossed legs and closed her eyes. Her goal was to find some sort of resistance movement, no matter how big or small, to lend her expertise too. 

She was Jedi Knight Nova Ilene.

She had survived the last three years of war. She had survived more stress, more sleepless nights, more death, more destruction, more loss in those three years than the 23 years that came before it. 

She had survived the destruction of her home and everyone in it. 

She was going to survive now.

__________________________

_A few months later._

“We have some fresh meat.” Nova wouldn’t exactly call Cran Antik a friend. But as they both were involved in causing the Empire as much displeasure as they could, he was a colleague. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, I figured you could talk to them, find out if they’re being truthful.” 

Whilst Cran didn’t know about Nova’s past as a Jedi. He was aware that Nova did a knack for knowing when someone was being truthful or not. 

“Of course.”

The last thing Nova expected to see, walking into that room with Cran were clones.

Four of them, all of them sitting down. 

Three things happened simultaneously then.

Nova had her lightsabers out and lit, falling into a fighting stance before any other thought could come to her. 

One of the clones, with a familiar scar running down his cheek and neck stood up.

Cran and the three other clones flinched back. 

“General Ilene!?” The clone, _Oak?!_ , looked stunned. 

“Telec, are they a threat?” Cran had gotten over his surprise and was holding his blaster, aiming it at Oak. 

“I-” 

The force hadn’t warned her about a threat as she had walked in there. The force was calm and Nova reached out to it. She felt no hostility from any of the clones. But, the force hadn’t warned her about the betrayal of the clone three years ago either. 

“We’re not.” One of the clones took a step forward. 

“No? And why should I believe anything you say?” Nova hadn’t relaxed from her stance.

“Because it wasn’t our fault!” The same clone exclaimed. 

“Ken’s speaking the truth General, there was a control chip, in all of us. We didn’t have a choice” 

A control chip? Nova let her memories take her back to that night. Sol, one moment himself, full of love. Then, the next, he was gone, overtaken by someone else hell-bent on killing her. 

_(“Execute Order 66”)_

Could it be? 

The force rang true with Oak’s statement.

“They’re clear.” Nova relaxed from her stance and put her lightsabers away. 

The next second Oak was in front of her, the one after that he hugged the life out of her.

Nova let herself hug him back.

“You’re alive!”

“Yes.”

He let her go. Oak had tears running down his cheeks. Nova found herself getting teary-eyed.

“It’s nice to see you again Oak.”

“You too General.”

“Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here!?” 

Nova turned and looked back at Cran.

“I apologize, I haven’t been totally honest with you. My name isn’t Nova Telec. I am Jedi Knight Nova Ilene. And this is Sergeant Oak.”

“...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is a bit sudden but,,, ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Author's Note:**

> Sol & Nova: Are being sappy & makes out in the middle of the corridor  
> Oak and Rebel extra #4:......alright then *leaves*
> 
> Sol: Can not believe you forgot to mention that Nova wasn't dead  
> Oak: All I can say is, my bad


End file.
